five senses Tuesday (is back after extended leave)
The week that was:
mess! everywhere! Having spent the last three weeks “fine tuning” my abilities as a teacher (read: going out of my mind with the sudden stress and responsibility) I thought that I had managed to keep the kindergarten room in a reasonable state of organised chaos. WRONG. My mentoring teacher who runs the kindergarten came back today to check up on everything and I was suddenly pulled into the gravitational force of one massive clean up. For several hours the kindergarten looked like it had been hit by a cardboard consuming, sand spreading, art arranging, toy tossing and rubbish reducing bomb which had me running around feeling generally flustered. Still, somewhere between feeling pretty good about the place and the dawning realisation of just how wrong I was the room had a thorough clean-up on a physical and energy level. All I can say is- thank goodness for experienced mentoring teachers who will be able to guide me and kick me up the bum when I need it.
Too much mental chatter. Lately I just can’t seem to quiet my mind and stop the feeling that I am on a constant adrenaline rush. I have tried playing relaxing music at work, I have tried affirmations and I have tried to zone out but my mind is on a loop of “oh my god. I’m not good enough! Arggggghhhhhhhh!” People keep telling me that I’m doing a good job and that transition time at childcare is a tough time to begin a stellar early childhood education career, but it’s always easier to remember and believe the bad stuff isn’t it?
The ocean. Sometimes literally, more often in my mind… For a while now I have found myself yearning to be at the beach. To walk along the sand and immerse myself in the water. To experience the quiet and stillness of sitting on the sand watching the waves rolling in. I think this is because I am in desperate need of replenishing my energy and grounding myself. On Sunday I convinced (pleaded with) P to come for a swim with me. The water was warm and wonderful and I immediately felt better. We only stayed for about 10 minutes because P began to freak out about getting sunburnt (it was 6:30pm), so in the interest of humoring an inexplicable pale-skinned, irish fear of moon-tanning we left. But I still want to go back and smell the salt water.
potato gnocchi with spicy tomato sauce. Lately my cooking mojo has been at an all time low. I just can’t seem to get excited about cooking or baking with this apathy extending into what I choose to eat (see: lots of processed sugar and whatever is handy). Tonight was no exception but I forged on and told myself firmly that I would cook something tonight. Thank goodness for pre-packaged gnocchi and tinned tomatoes! It was quick, easy and actually very very yummy. Maybe I will reward myself for getting off my behind and cooking by making myself cook chocolate self saucing pudding.
That I need air to breathe and silence to sit in. I think you know what I mean.